TOURISM state Goa has seen several cases of shocking gang rape on and near its beaches in recent years and yet again when two teenagers were raped at Benaulim beach, recently (on Sunday, July 25, 2021), Goans from all walks of life were enraged by the kind of failure of police protection that exists in Goa. On top of that Chief Minister Pramod Sawant ticked off parents for not being able to stop their minor daughters from engaging in questionable behavior! Opinions and counter-opinions are being exchanged heatedly on social media and the usual blame game is on in which everybody goes Scott free with a few laughs and little achieved to improve the quality of public safety.
Goan Observer did a quick poll and asked a few parents how their parents brought them up, and how in turn they bring up their children….to get some useful insight to come to your own conclusion about parental, police and government attitudes which in the end fail to protect women from any kind of violence inflicted on them in private or public places. Again and again we see how it is women who are blamed for being at the wrong place at the wrong time, while men of course are the privileged sex who may walk away freely or with just cursory punishment…. with violence and crime on the rise it is time all concerned stirred themselves from any sossegad che sera sera attitude, for you never know, the next victim may well be you or your wife or daughter or any member of your near and dear household!
BY GO TEAM
WE used to live on this huge estate in Ponda, two sisters and four brothers, and my parents were very strict.
Especially my mother who was like a Hitler. Although she loved me the most because I was eldest daughter and so much be responsible for what other did. She would say finish the housework like sweeping and swabbing before going to school…and my father would say take your brothers along too.
My father was timeless but he used to say we meet at one time to pray, say the rosary and eat and then we go back to whatever we were doing. My mother was like everybody must be on time so afterwards no one is waiting for anyone, not even the servants who had to finish and go to their homes.
Usually by 7pm or the moment it was dark we were expected to be at home, the boys too. And for my mother it was punishment if you were late…for remembrance, she said, `Next time you won’t forget!’ If we were late we would have to kneel on sand or pebbles! She said if I was daughter I must cook and do the housework and everything else afterwards. Otherwise what is my life for!
It used to affect me for I would be late for school. The load of house work and school was too much. But we had no options then. Often I would be punished and my brother would be the administrators of the punishment and they would be happy. So this is how I grew up with a strong streak of responsibility in me. I also took care of my mother later on after my father died.
However, when it came to my own daughter, I cannot say if my parents’ ways were good, bad or not functional. When I tried to be strict with my own daughter Dina, she rebelled and said, “Mama this is too much, I cannot do it.” But sometimes I think my daughter looks and behaves more like my stubborn mother and she maintains strict discipline with her children! As for me I have made my peace with myself and feel powerful enough for nobody can punish me now.
I WAS born in a family of six daughters and two sons and I was the eldest. My parents were always finding it difficult to make ends meet. Despite that, my parents taught me the basic principles of sharing what little we have, support each other in times of need which continues till today and inculcated the habit of helping others which had actually become a habit and made me a social worker at a very young age. I specialized in medical assistance and home remedies.
Today, all my sisters and brothers are well of with their families and we are all thick as thieves! My mother taught me to cook tasty food with a limited number of available ingredients and I make it a point to pass those skills on further to everybody around me. These values made me understand the importance of compassion and let me to a career of social work. For over 30 years now I have been helping many people (mostly women and children) across the world via What’sApp, through personal contact. I conduct medical camps in collaboration with doctors, advice many on normal deliveries, menopause, child care and development through natural methods. Helping others gives me immense happiness and I owe this completely to my parents.
Now how we raised our children? My husband and I mainly followed two principles; firstly giving them the freedom to pursue their choice of education and therefore their career. Secondly, to work hard for yourself without putting anybody else down in the process. These principals have helped our daughter to pursue music as a career which led her to sing for multiple Tamil movies. Our son went on to take up filmmaking as a career and is now directing ad films. We as parents believe in being self-sufficient and do not want to be a burden on our children even as we grow old. We also taught them the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle through nutritious food exercise and a positive attitude. We also repeatedly emphasized on being happy irrespective of life’s offerings and remaining calm in tough time. Happiness is our birthright irrespective of money, position or power. This is another value we stressed upon with our kids. We expect our children to also have the same values when it comes to bringing up their children and are extremely proud of the human beings they have grown up to become!
Services, Mumbai
I WAS born and brought up in a small town of Bihar, my parents guided me by giving examples of Ramayan and many such legendary folk tales and helped us choose the right path which they though was right. I married very early in life and we have three children. My marriage broke up later on and it was tough but I brought up my children by giving them the choice, opinions and helped them decide for themselves, but not without cautioning them of the consequences of their choice. I allowed them the freedom with responsibility! And I am surprised how all of us have grown in different areas but with the same values.
Professor in Preventive
Medicine-GMC, Porvorim
PARENTING is an art you develop while on the job. I was fortunate to have very understanding and patient parents. Looking back they spent the best part of their lives to give us better lives. Besides everything else they taught me, I also unknowingly imbibed the values of parenting from them.
They did not micromanage us, they taught us the values and gave us the freedom to grow. Our goal as parents today is the same. However, the environment in which the child is growing and the exposure and pressure through smart phones and television is a lot different and challenging. We have to accept the change and adapt to it to ensure that our children grow to their full potential.
I don’t think there can be something like a perfect parent, but one must do their best, so that from the old generation and the new, there is no degeneration.
I come from a reputed family of Panjim. Although my family was well-to-do, my siblings and I were neither spoiled nor pampered. We were instilled the values of honesty, sincerity, respect for elders and money and the value of hard work. These were the main ones and along the way we picked up all the others.
I have three sons and I have tried my best to instill the very same values in them. I also tried to be a little different with my boys as in I gave them more freedom, they seldom had a curfew and I never pushed them to obtain 100 % results or force them to become doctors/lawyers/engineers (the epitome of Indian success measurement).
I respected their choice of career and encouraged them to pursue what they wanted and enjoyed. I wanted them to also enjoy life and not just go through life with the sole purpose of making money. My boys may not be the upper limit of best raised children of the world! However, I take pride in knowing that because of my part in their upbringing (after all bringing up kids is a joint venture) they can build networks and thrive in any part of the world.
Lastly, the one value I always insisted on and still do despite the fact that two of my boys are married, is the importance of family (not property) and of being united.
THINGS PARENTS SAY TO THEIR CHILDREN….
Children always expect love and care from their parents but you will come across these parents who are toxic for their children’s growth into adults. Here’s a glimpse into what parents say and do to make their children feel like running away.
IN 2008 the Administration of Children & Families in the USA found more than 50,000 children victims of emotional abuse. Hurtful words from parents cause pain and leave a mark and bad memories for a lifetime. Parents inflict psychological damage on their children by how they address them First of all offensive words: You are too ugly, too fat, too short, too skinny, look at your hair! Degrading a child on appearance will create worries about body image, leading to eating disorders. Parents should teach children to love and not themselves.
Provocative sarcasm: Why do you chew that way, talk that way, walk that way…as if something is wrong with them. Don’t talk to children like that, they will grow up thinking something is wrong with them and they feel discomfort in the company of others. It leads to insecurity in adulthood.
SELFISH WISHES: I wish you were never born, I wish I had an abortion, I wish you were different. Don’t make children feel like they don’t deserve to be alive, it diminishes their self-identity, leads to depression and loss of value for themselves, makes make them feel they’re a burden on their parents, they will not share anything with them later on.
UNHEALTHY COMPARISONS: You are not like your other brothers and sisters! It will lead to unhealthy relationships between the siblings later on. Give children independence to think for themselves or they will thing they will never be good enough for anything.
HARMFUL STATEMENTS: You are stupid, a loser. It damages the self-esteem of a growing child, belief in themselves as worthy.
THREATS: I will leave you, go away and never come back. It creates fear that someone they depend on for love and security will varnish and the fear will grow up with them. They will never trust anyone.
EMPTY PROMISES: If you do this I will give you this, take you somewhere. And then all the promises turn out to be empty promises and trust betrayed again and again will never make them believe whatever you say and you will lose their trust. A constant fear of betrayal will dog them. They will learn how not to trust others in life. Keep your promises or don’t make them.