WOMEN’S LIB: With women’s liberation and empowerment wives are no longer willing to play the role of maid servants and cooks in their sasural, they demand that husbands pit in and share some domestic chores and responsibilities too as it has happened naturally in the countries of the west.
By Adv Vinayak D Porob
It is not only daughters-in-law who are harassed. There is an increasing tendency for boys who marry into wealthy families who get harassed by their wife’s in-laws!
BEING an advocate and most of the time handling a variety of cases involving unique facts, teaches lessons in life which make one intelligent and also compels one to think. Especially, to what extent one may stoop so low for money and the comforts of life at the cost of others – in the guise of love by one’s own children and siblings! We handle cases of frustrated son-in-laws being victimized emotionally and economically by their in-laws, through their wives. This is to cover up the incapability brother-in-laws (mevno) who happen to be laadka babu with no qualification, no work. They indulge in vices and live initially off the income of their fathers and now habitually on the income of their married sisters.
Hence, we see unlucky sons-in-law who are frustrated to the core and helpless, as their love for their wife compels them to suffer – despite the knowledge that in the guise of love, their wife’s brothers and parents are emotionally and financially exploiting and abusing them. I recall an instance where in the mother-in-law was admitted at night to a hospital and the father-in-law and the brother of the wife, that is the laadka babu, started crying on the phone and calling the sister.
No sooner the laadka babu realized that his married sister, due to certain unavoidable circumstances, is not in the position to come to the hospital, he left his father alone in the hospital along with the mother — who was admitted but returned home the same night itself. The intention were to keep the married sister in the hospital and go home with his father, so that the next day he would not have to go to the small shop run by his father.
The son-in-law, despite there being a canteen in the hospital had by midnight to drop in to deliver dinner to the patient mother while she was in hospital, as also for the father-in-law who preferred to eat what the son-in-law spent money to bring him rather than make do with the hospital canteen.
Again the mother-in-law was admitted for four days in hospital and the son-in-law was compelled to do drop off lunch and dinner for both patient mother-in-law and the attendant father-in-law, by neglecting his own job, and despite the hospital canteen being perfectly good and payments were automatically made for food service in the hospital billing. Not only the patient but the attendant were paid for.
All this while laadka babu in the guise of running the shop of the father, hardly opened the shop but was seen as usual sitting at road junctions in the village, drinking and enjoying life with his friends…enjoying the life of a parasite. The most disheartening part in all this situation is that when this son-in-law’s mother was admitted to hospital, after some months and her discharge, neither father-in-law nor laadka babu visited and inquired about the wellbeing of the mother of the son-in-law who too was admitted in a hospital for around 15 days. Although the hospital was situated at a small distance of 10 km from laadka babu’s residence.
The son-in-law and his patient mother had to take care of themselves and eat the food of the hospital canteen, something he had no regrets about. What pained him, however, what the manner in which his own in-laws were ungrateful and forgot about his own mother. He saw his in-laws as vain and such avaricious people who only wanted their married daughter and son-in-law to be at their service and to also pay bills.
The son-in-law too fell sick and was admitted subsequently to hospital; however, none of his wife’s family even bothered to enquire about health and wellbeing. Upon being asked about this the wife, as daughter of her family tried to cover up by saying she had not bothered to inform her family about their son-in-law’s ill-health and admission in hospital! This is very hard to believe as every minute details from the matrimonial house were relayed on the phone and the mother-in-law kept briefed.
The wife was also not aware that her own cousin sister on the phone inquired about the wellbeing of the son-in-law over the phone and kept his mother-in-law informed. It is revealing the extent to which married daughters will go to cover up the indifferent attitude of her parents and brother towards their in-laws.
The married sister due to marital obligations is not allowed to go to work with the son-in-law, her finances are also curtailed to avoid monetary abuse – the same laadka babu is directing his married sister to open a joint business account, since being wife she has half share in the income of her husband’s business. This she should give to her brother for he was not getting anything from father!
This beggar laadka babu who is all of 28 years of age has neither any shame nor any principles in life, and is a parasite initially living on the income of his father and later emotionally blackmailing his married sister. The married sister in order to satisfy her laadka brother’s monetary needs or wants even decided to break an FD certificate and give a certain amount to her laadka brother, while the parents boast what a good daughter they have! All this while it is the son who should in fact have been responsible for taking care of their parents.
But the son was incapable of earning a living and had become a victim of his vices, this laadka babu developed a habitual tendency of begging, blackmailing, extorting money from his married sisters. The laadka babu does not want to either give up his vices and work or help his married sisters when they are in need too. The father too rarely helps his married daughters, but contrarily expects his sons-in-laws to drop their work and help out in every way including monetarily and physically when the in-laws are in need!
In fact, the sons-in-law provide 25 times more income to the in-laws than they can earn in a day….and it looks like both father-in-law and son have inherited each other’s qualities and expect their married daughters’ families to be at their beck and call and take care of them.
A very disheartening fact was that the sister of the father of such laadka babu was suffering from an incurable disease and had to go to Mumbai for her treatment. So her gold ornaments worth several lakh were handed over by her to her brother, that is, father of laadka babu, with the promise that if she dies her brother will get her son and daughter married by utilizing the gold ornaments. She did not trust her husband who was having multiple affairs.
And unfortunately the sister died and the father of laadka babu, on the instigation of mother of the laadka babu, neither returned the gold ornaments nor took care of the matter of getting the sister’s son and daughter married. You reap what you sow, so one can imagine from whom the laadka babu inherited his avaricious and parasitic qualities – his father cheated his own dead sister, and this laadka babu is now extorting his married daughters in connivance with his mother, to pressurize them give money.
Such sons-in-law as laadka babu deserve the most severe divine punishment. May be the gold ornaments of the sister who died were melted and offered as “stridhan” to the married sisters and therefore after marriage, despite having everything—the married sisters were not allowed to live in peace in their matrimonial house. They are always worried and though physically present in the matrimonial home are mentally in their parental home!
Now a bride is being searched for this laadka babu by portraying him as a hardworking and honest young man. The world and the family are not blind and know everything as it appears that the cat when it closes eyes and drinks milk, thinks it is dark and that no one has seen her drinking milk. There’s another plan of extortion from sons-in-laws in which laadka babu’s mother’s brothers and wives are also involved.
It gets more complicated. The mother’s brother has a daughter who is of the right age to get married to this laadka babu, but the mama also knows his nephew’s vices and therefore though nephew has a right to marry his mama’s daughter, but the mama is keeping his daughter away from this laadka babu. This is sufficient and needs no further rationalization.
However, in this case the heart of the matter and situations of life is that the married lives of son-in-laws are getting adversely affected, because of the greed and disgraceful nature of the demands made laadka babu and wife’s in-laws. It is unfortunate that married daughters being emotionally connected to their parents and family fail to notice how much disturbance it is causing in their married life. Why should the sons-in-law be under pressure and at mercy of parasitic laadka babu is greedy parents? The mamas (maternal uncles) of such laadka babu families are also frustrated and fed-up for they too get no help when they need it, but are required to offer help at all cost when it is demanded!
Such diabolical internal interferences in large families make for very unhappy family relationships and the case I have mentioned here is just one example of many similar other examples which come to us advocates for solving legally or out of court very often. This case detailed here just sums up the entire issue.
(The contents of this article are based on experience gained by the writer, who is an advocate in Mapusa-Goa, handling several criminal and matrimonial cases and this column is written in his personal opinion and not related or connected to any particular case, family, person or persons. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead or actual events is purely coincidental.)