There’s a need for better policies to prevent harassment
and bullying at the workplace…
A stop workplace harassment day special!
This week we shall discuss how a narcissist at the workplace can make life miserable for everyone. You should know how to deal with a narcissist when you come across one…today, we get into the shoes of people in the clutches of a NARCISSIST. Says Dr Amit Dias, “It’s important to identify the narcissists in your life and workplace and know how to deal with them. The problem is bigger than we can ever imagine and we need better policies and regulations to prevent harassment and bullying at the workplace.”
An interview with Dr Amit Dias
Goan Observer: We recently met an old friend who told us she was tormented by a difficult boss who would leave no stone unturned to make her life miserable. Is this a characteristic of narcissism? What is this kind of a personality disorder?
Dr Amit Dias: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as it is defined under DSM 5, is known for its dramatic and erratic behavior. Individuals with this condition, often display a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for excessive admiration and a lack of empathy. These traits can lead to significant interpersonal issues. Your friend’s situation would need further evaluation to recognize and diagnose the problem.
Q: Historically people like Napoleon Bonaparte and Adolf Hitler were known for their grandiosity and lack of empathy, were they suffering from this personality disorder? How can we spot or identify a narcissist?
A: There are several signs to look out for:
• Excessive Need for Admiration: Constantly seeking validation and praise…this can be seen on social media all the time. Forwarding messages and making it a point to comment on messages from people higher in position.
• Grandiosity: Exaggerating achievements and talents, expecting to be recognized as superior.
• Entitlement: Expecting special treatment and compliance with their expectations.
• Lack of Empathy: Difficulty recognizing or caring about the feelings and needs of others.
• Manipulative Behavior: Using others to achieve their goals, often disregarding the impact on those they manipulate.
• Fragile Self-Esteem: Despite outward confidence such people are often very sensitive to criticism and may react with rage or defensiveness.
Here is a mnemonic to help you remember how to spot a narcissist:
Q: How should we deal with a narcissist at home?
A: Yes, narcissists may be found anywhere. Dealing with a narcissist at home can be challenging. It could be your partner, spouse, parent or some relative. Here are some strategies:
• Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors are unacceptable and stick to those limits.
• Avoid Confrontation: Narcissists can become defensive or aggressive when confronted. Instead, choose calm, factual conversations.
• Seek Support: Engage with friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support and advice.
• Maintain Your Self-Esteem: Don’t let their behavior undermine your sense of self-worth. Remember your value and strengths. They will try to systematically hurt your self-worth.
• Consider Professional Help: Therapy can be beneficial, both for you and the narcissist, though the latter may be resistant to the idea.
Q: And how can one deal with a narcissist in the workplace?
A: Managing a narcissist at work requires tact strategy and support.
• Keep Professional Boundaries: Maintain a professional distance and avoid personal involvement. Speak to your colleagues if they sense similar traits so you can be prepared. They usually have a pattern.
• Document Interactions: Keep records of communications and incidents in case issues escalate. Remember that a Narcissist by nature will keep all records on you.
• Focus on Facts: Use data and objective criteria in discussions to minimize emotional arguments.
• Stay Calm and Confident: Maintain your composure and don’t let their behavior undermine your confidence. The narcissist will do everything to break you and bring down your self-esteem.
• Seek Support: If necessary, involve your HR if you have one or management to mediate conflicts. Remember, that the narcissist would have already primed the HR with fake information on you to block your approach to them. You will be threatened not to report to higher up.
Q: So is there a solution? What can the person who is harassed or bullied do?
A: They can inform the higher-ups and seek help. But most often this does not happen. You need to understand the power dynamics in the organization. These individuals may be hesitant to report workplace bullying. There may be a fear of retaliation from the bully or concern about potential repercussions on their job security or career advancement.
Additionally, victims of workplace bullying may feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit that they are being targeted, especially if they perceive the behavior as a sign of weakness or failure. The Narcissistic Boss will play the victim card and turn the tables on the one who is complaining and use his contacts with the higher-ups to further destroy the person and his character. It’s a well-designed web, and one needs to think like them and fight it. They will make you feel that no one will listen to you, but that is not always true.
Q: How can living with a narcissistic boss affect your life?
A: There are several instances where people have resigned from their jobs due to the constant harassment and some have ended their lives too in despair. There can be several negative impacts:
• Increased Stress: Constant demands for admiration and perfection can be exhausting. This can affect their family and social life as well.
• Reduced Self-Esteem: Criticism and lack of empathy can undermine your confidence.
• Workplace Conflict: Their manipulative and self-centered behavior can create a toxic work environment.
• Burnout: The constant pressure and lack of support can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion.
Q: Is a narcissistic person always the boss?
A: Not necessarily. While narcissists often seek positions of power and authority, they can be found in any role within an organization. Their behavior can affect peers and subordinates alike, creating challenges at all levels.
Q: What advice would you give to people who are tormented by a narcissist?
A: My advice would be:
• Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on your mental and physical well-being. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge. We did a whole review on how to promote self-care last week.
• Seek Professional Help: Therapy can provide tools to manage your interactions and cope with the stress.
• Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive and understanding people.
• Consider Your Options: If the situation becomes unbearable, it may be necessary to explore alternatives, such as changing jobs or modifying your living situation.
• Stay Informed: Educate yourself about narcissistic behavior and effective coping strategies.
Q: In conclusion what is your message to our readers?
A: Think of the narcissist as a human black hole — no matter what you do, they’ll always want more attention. Your best bet is to escape their gravitational pull! Focus on your own galaxy of friends, hobbies, and self-care. Set firm boundaries like they’re cosmic walls. And remember, you’re the star of your own show, not in a supporting role in theirs. If all else fails, channel your inner spark, and get yourself out of there.
CASE SCENARIO: WORKPLACE HARASSMENT AND BULLYING
WORKING UNDER A NARCISSISTIC BOSS
Introduction:
Paresh Anand (31 years), a smart hardworking engineer, joined a reputed IT firm six months ago, excited about the opportunity to work under Shakti Kapoor (45 years), who had a reputation for delivering successful projects. Initially, Paresh admired Shakti’s confidence and ambitious vision for the team. Paresh worked very hard and was appreciated by all his team members.
Changing Scenario: Escalating demands and manipulative behavior
As months passed, Paresh began to notice Shakti’s increasingly demanding nature. Shakti frequently required Paresh to work late hours without prior notice, often citing the need for perfection and his expectations of exceptional performance. Shakti’s requests were typically framed as opportunities for Paresh to “prove his worth,” making it difficult for Paresh to refuse without feeling inadequate. It was obvious that his boss was getting jealous of Paresh’s efficiency and ability and was afraid that he would be noticed by the higher-ups. Paresh realized that Shakti was spreading false rumors about his inaptness and false workplace absenteeism to the higher-ups.
Dual personality: Public Praise, Private Criticism:
Shakti often praised Paresh publicly in team meetings, highlighting his contributions and framing him as a model employee. However, in private, Shakti’s demeanor changed. He would criticize Paresh’s work, pointing out minor flaws and suggesting that Paresh lacked dedication and skill. This dual behavior left Paresh confused and anxious, unsure of his standing with his boss. He would be praised in the office, but his Confidential Annual assessment report would be destroyed with fake allegations of his ability and personality. By then, Shakti was attacking other staff members as well but was not as vindictive as he was towards Paresh, who ironically was the most efficient in the group.
Isolation and Control:
Over time, Paresh’s self-esteem began to suffer. Shakti’s constant criticism made Paresh doubt his own abilities. His boss also controlled the team’s social dynamics. He discouraged Paresh from forming close relationships with colleagues, subtly suggesting that Paresh should focus solely on work. People close to Paresh were transferred to a different unit. Shakti’s manipulative tactics created an environment of isolation, where Paresh felt he had no one to turn to for support.
Seeking Help and Considering Options:
Paresh’s mental and physical health began to deteriorate due to the constant stress and pressure. He decided to seek help from the company’s HR department. Unfortunately, Shakti’s charming and authoritative demeanor made it difficult for HR to recognize the depth of the issue. They offered general stress management tips but did not address the root cause – Shakti’s narcissistic behavior. Paresh was contemplating suicide.
Feeling cornered, Paresh finally resigned from the job. He realized that his well-being was more important than any position or project. Eventually, Paresh found a new job at a different IT firm that valued employee wellbeing and had a healthier work culture.
Conclusion
The constant manipulation, lack of empathy, and undermining behavior took a toll on Paresh’s mental health and self-esteem. By seeking help and eventually leaving the toxic environment, Paresh was able to reclaim his confidence and find a more supportive workplace. This scenario underscores the importance of recognizing and addressing narcissistic behavior in the workplace and the need for organizations to support employees in such challenging situations.
There are many like Paresh in this country. The problem is that narcissism is not something that can be detected in a test or evaluation by a psychiatrist or a psychologist. The bigger issue is that the system is not aware of such behavioral problems and how to deal with it. The usual response one will get if they do understand is, “This happens in all the departments.” There is a need for better policies and strict guidelines to deal with workplace harassment and bullying in our country.
